Saturday, December 4, 2010
Life
I don't have a project for ya'll, and I am just needing to get some thoughts down and out of my head at the moment. I'm just being honest tonight. As Christmas gets closer, I finding my head getting foggier. I'm not sinking into a drepression, yet I'm not 100% normal either. I have so many things I want to do and yet I am not doing any of them. I'm not even starting any of them. How does one know when they are done adding to their family. DH and I are trying to decide with we want to have a 3rd little one. Some days I do and others I'm not so sure. Money is weighing on me as I really want us to get out of debt and the sooner the better, yet I still buy "stuff". We've budgeted for fun money, yet I feel guilty about spending it on us instead of giving it to our debt. To work or not to work is a question I have been pondering a lot lately since my oldest has started Pre-K; however, as long as we have debt I must work fulltime. It helps that I do love teaching, but I'm really beginning to feel the desire to stay at home. I'm so not where I should be with our Lord and I am so far from being the wife and mom I should be that most of the time I don't even know where to start. When I clean the house, I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with it with it. I need to do some soul searching, but I'm scared to see what I'll find. Just breathe...
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1 comment:
I just wanted to say that I TOTALLY know how you feel (about all but the not sure about another child... I've got 4!).
I too feel like my head has all these plans to do this and that and get stuff done, but my body just doesn't want to cooperate and when it does, I still feel like I've done nothing. I am at home and I can tell you that although I love it, I hate it too... it doesn't help the rut. I feel like when I have deadlines and such I work better. I feel like I accomplish "stuff" and feel good about it. When I go to work, nobody goes around behind me messing it up (little ones are famous for this right?). Like you, I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm not right either... not sure what to do about it, but I do think I need to find something that makes me feel good (crafting does, but I get tired of that too) maybe that's what you need too?! I also have guilt about money and debts, but I think that just comes with having a family and being a mom?!
Good luck and let me know if you figure anything out??
I can say that I'm sure you're harder on yourself than you should be... cut yourself some slack and try to enjoy more moments even if your first instinct is to feel bad... we need little pleasures in life to make it all worth it!
Take care,
Kendra
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